let's talk about dreams

List of my dreams:

1. Attain financial freedom
2. Active lifestyle. At least Silver for IPPT every year.
   
3. High self-esteem
4. Tour around the world
5. Dance
6. Fulfilling relationship
7. Able to let go when situation calls for it. Embrace life changes; positive outlook

bill shock!

I agree that money isn't the most important thing in the world, so we need not be overly concerned over how many zeros there are in your bank account. Nevertheless, money is ESSENTIAL. It seems like money is another factor to human survival, besides the basics: oxygen, food, water, sunlight and electromagnetism.

I was in Malaysia between 11 and 14 Nov. I did not sign up for data plan. Why the hell did my bill show me using 14 MB, incurring over $70?! Screw this! I'm gonna make a trip to SingTel shop tmr and clarify. This is a matter of principle - over-charging me. $, though not the most important thing in life, is essential, and moreover, I don't have a surplus of money for them to anyhow charge me like that.

Have been working for 6 days. I do feel my time is properly occupied yet I don't quite feel satisfied.
Earning $ is my objective, so I will press on the mundanity. Fortunately the colleagues are all very friendly and caring towards me. Their sense of humour helps in brightening up my day of work.

Lacking of human touch...

Expensive lesson...literally $

I inadvertently enabled IDEAS internet on my phone. SHIT!!! Gonna incur extra charges! It's an expensive lesson for me, literally. $0.02/kb.

WHATEVER NOW. Just gonna work and earn more to cover up my expenses. T_T

I am only gonna connect to internet via Wireless@SG - nothing else!

Working at iras. Routine job every day. Boring but no stress. Both sort of balance each other out and so I feel no joy nor qualm for my job. A mundane work for 8.5 hours. Interestingly, once I start doing work, time seems to pass faster and makes it more bearable for me the whole day.

No matter what, I am going to endure through this mundanity until the very end. Hopefully I pass my teaching internship interview so that I can earn $65/day when school reopens.

Earning $$$ is my top priority to cover up my huge expenses, especially on the unnecessary IDEAS charges! Hate it but won't wallow in it for there's no use. An expensive lesson indeed.

ORD LOH!

ORD!
Back to Study!
Got Degree!
So Happy!

Earning $$$ is my priority now. But there's a problem: my driving lessons will most probably have to shift to weekends, which means I have to pay $3 more.

Other stuff I would like to do: Dye my hair and change a new spectacles. Of course they are at the bottom of my priority.

I want to dye my hair bright light blue! LOL! That would be SO COOL but unfortunately I need to work. No employer will approve of their employees to dye such an uncommon colour in order to uphold their image. Actually I got the inspiration of dyeing light blue from Key (SHINee); he highlighted light blue, and I thought that was cool. haha.

I've been searching for SNSD and SHINee on YouTube these days. All 9 members from SNSD can do split! How cool is that! And SHINee are so young! Even the oldest is only 1 month+ older than me. And Key has a unique voice which attracted my attention. After watching Hello Baby featuring both SNSD and SHINee as umma and appa, I get to know more of their personalities which make me like them even more. Talented and kind-hearted, they deserve our support and admiration for their passion and hard work.

Aspirations

Finally, ORD is nearing! In less than 10 days' time, I am no longer a NSF. That means I no longer have to book in on Sun night and my weekdays are free =)
So after ORD, I have 10 months before my tertiary education commences. I shall commit myself to fully utilize this period of time to good use. First, which I have already had my first lesson last Thursday, I would strive to obtain my Class 3 driving license asap, to save $. Hence I must learn to handle the clutch properly so that I won't stall the engine, which is rather embarrassing. My aim is to spend less than $1k on it and to pass my practical test on my first attempt.

I will also be learning dancing - hip hop. Dancing is an interest of mine I realized since secondary school. I believe I would enjoy the lessons and gain a fruitful experience. I'm so looking forward to expressing myself through my body movements while sweating myself out :P

Of course, I'm going to look for a job to keep asset growing. IRAS is one option. But still looking for other higher-pay jobs.

I am going to study hard for uni to earn myself a chance to go overseas to study/work/play. Most probably gonna join Dance as my CCA too. Gonna spice up my uni life and enjoy my uni years before stepping out to the society and facing the ugly side of human beings...

Voluntary works such as missionary trips to poor countries are something which I would like to do. I am sure the sense of satisfaction will be immense and I will definitely appreciate what I've already had much more.

Regarding love life... Well, I guess I will wait till I am financially ready and comfortable first before I would go for it. Deep inside, how I wish that $ should never ever play a part in a relationship. However, facing up the reality, minimal $ is essential to pay for the necessity or it would be tough for the couple. Though I have no qualms whatsoever about whether it would be too tough for me, I wouldn't want my other half to suffer with me. Till then, I shall believe in faith :)

月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合

月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合

An acquaintaince of mine has lost his girlfriend in a fatal accident in Malaysia, reported in the news not so long ago. I had wanted to send my condolences on his Facebook but was lost for words; it'd be hard for him to follow whatever we'd wanted, in his best interest, to tell him to. I might be able to empathise and imagine the grief he is suffering but I am definitely unable to fully understand exactly how he's going through now, since I've never gone through it. So messages like "stay strong!" are a tad too superficial though necessary for him to know that his friends are always there for him. After all, only he himself knows the wonderful times he has once had with her, and all of which are now embedded within him as his most precious memories. Jia you, my friend!



Closure.
I've fallen in love for this word.
Perhaps it's my way of escaping the reality but it makes my life more bearable.
The society is too complex and my heart has to experience too much of the different kinds of emotions.
But I know that I can handle this, just that I tend to whine before executing what I need to do.
I am thankful for I have been quite lucky and smooth-sailing all this while in life.
ORD soon and I must keep myself busy...
Closure.

beyond my means

The feeling SUCKS when you cannot help a friend when something is gravely troubling him. The only thing I could do is to give him advice, trying to at least alleviate his foul mood. But it seemed that he no longer is as open and willing to confide in me anymore. I am more than willing to be your listening ear! I could tell that lotsa stuff is bottled up within you and I wanted you to air it out so that you could feel better. Never did I expect such a defensive and uninterested reaction from you, to turn down my concern and keep mum. The short answers, the patronized responses, and the repeated actions just revealed your highly unsatisfactory outlook of your life. I felt defeated when all that I can do is to watch you in a really bad mood and can't even say what I'd like you to hear with regard to the situation with your closed heart. When I saw you finally tried to vent out your anger by drawing the word you wouldn't have wanted to use, my instinct told me that I must stop you from keeping quiet and must ask you to voice out, at least say a few words. I hope the touch could mend our broken and 'unstable' bond between us so that the free channel of communication could be restored. I am sorry that I am not vocal, neither am I critical in my thinking to try to enlighten you how this is just a small matter compared to other more pertinent issues in life. Hence my inability to unload the weight off your shoulders. To be honest, the moment I saw what you were scribbling, my heartbeat rate rose and, if you noticed, my voice trembled when trying to advise you. Your treatment towards me and your dejected self worried me and so I did what I could best do. And I hope the mates you always hang out with nowadays won't be labelled as 'instigator(s)' [they definitely won't if your impulse doesn't get the better of you]; do not do things without thorougly thinking through the consequences everyone would face. They could be painful and long-lasting. I think my point is don't learn or be easily influenced and convinced by what your mates say. Some people, due to their complex combination of voice, tone and expression, inter alia, would turn out to have high Persuasion Quotient. Be rational, seek advice from people who have more experiences in life to better manage and resolve difficult issues. All in all, I just wish to see you happy and satisfied. It's the last phase already, don't live with regrets. Perhaps anger management is what everyone needs to learn. I always think that seeking the proper channel to raise up issues should be done, not any own 'creative' methods. Life is not fair, we all need to live with it. Remember, there're usually always both plus and minus aspects in any given context; my point is sieve out all bad influences and only learn the beneficial things, including when mixing with friends. I don't want to feel hurt, so don't give yourself chances to feel hurt.

p.s.: i realized i have changed writing from second-person to first-person unknowlingly halfway.

friendship reflection

I love and miss the weather in Germany, totally! My sweat glands hardly need nor get the chance to work. Training is perfect in such climate. I even thought of a idea that we should book-in to Germany for training, and book-out back to Singapore every weekend! The weather there is rather erratic, with rain followed by hail, then all of a sudden we saw snow! Temperature dropped drastically while we were doing servicing, for which we would surely perspire if it were in Singapore. Perhaps this trip would be the only best highlight in my army life.

So I mentioned about my friendship problem in my previous post. I guess I might be a little emotional and irrational over the matter. Well, I think it's only natural to feel emotional if you really care about the relationship. It might suggest some sadism but I have no such intention at all: that I think I should thank the incident for it taught me yet another invaluable lesson. Firstly, those who matter don't mind; those who mind don't matter. Secondly, your own emotions, no matter how strong, would not have a change to the outcome of the situation. So do not overreact which will only make yourself seem desperate. The important thing is to just be yourself, and have faith in the bond you've built. After all, nothing could sustain it if he has no desire for it. In that case, perhaps being grateful for the wonderful times you have had might be the only thing you can do. When you keep your poise and be engaged in other activities of interests to you, you could even exhibit quality traits of yourself.

Rehearsals for NDP started since the beginning of the month and that means my weekends are burned - no proper weekends. But my Monday would be free! I can watch 百万大歌星! If only Tue is free too, then I can have a good time laughing my heart out watching 爆料黑玫瑰! Just 5 more months to civilian life (:

Will be in Deutschland tmr

Tomorrow I will be taking Lufthansa Airline to fly to Deutschland! EURO is expensive =(



Wasn't feeling too happy for the past week. Well, it's just another friendship problem I face; he's someone whom I thought is a good friend who is understanding and empathetic enough to know how I feel. He once asked me if I feel insecure for knowing myself more than I thought he knows about me, and I answered I am, on the contrary, very happy. That was the kind of intimate relationship I'd like to build, and sustain. But I guess life is a journey of obstacles and setbacks for us to tackle and resolve, perhaps only through these do we glorify our existence and relationship with God.



How would you feel if your good friend hurts you twice due to a same particular issue? For the first time, since he apologized and I understood why he did that, I forgave him, and we became like how we were like before the incident. But how about the second time? Especially when it's regarding the same exact kind of incident again. Even if he apologized again, do you forgive him still? Defintely, it won't be as easy as the first time. You'd doubt his sincerity in his apology. You'd wonder will there be a third time. You'd ponder if he is the kind of friend whom you should still befriend with.

My brain says NO but my heart says otherwise. The voice of my heart seems to be louder than that of my brain. At the same time, my brain seems to be more determined than my heart. Argh! Why am I tormented with such issue? Didn't I used to be insouciant and lighthearted?

Part of me has told myself to just forget it (that doesn't mean forgiveness is granted), There's no use, nor anybody cares (I think), mulling over it. We will still see each other and work together. Life has to go on. Let nature takes its course. Let Him guide me through this yet another experience.

How I assuage my grief: Those who matter don't mind; those who mind don't matter.


Ciao for now for I'll be leaving for


Will be back on 27th this month :]

simplicity = happiness

Nobody said that life is fair. And nobody said that life will be a smooth-sailing one. Life is about overcoming challenges and obstacles that are presented to you. It is a process of learning the best way of living a fruitful and fulfilling life. Indeed, it is easier said than done, and that itself is also a challenge which we have to live with. So we have to stop procrastinating, that including myself, and start embarking on the conquest of life's challenges and turn them into your glory!

Sometimes we don't have to be too persistent. By learning to let go, we could be free and relieved from the breathlessness we unknowingly feel in this rat race society in which we live in. Don't wallow in self-pity or lament over your fate, instead recognize how blessed you already are and learn that simplicity is a form of happiness too. One might not be materially abundant but the most important thing is to be spiritually rich and happy.

Be loving and grateful :)

picnic cum celebration

Went to Sentosa yesterday with Scandalous for picnic. Had a great great time playing erm... 'water frisbee'? haha... It's been ages since I've been to Sentosa already... It's fun throwing et the clerk down the water! lol

Regarding the gossip session, perhaps I should make a correction here. I think that was an act of kindness and naivety when I actually make the effort to buy gifts for her as I don't think I really felt anything special toward her. Maybe I just thought that she was a capable and outstanding girl who I got to work closely with, thus I felt lucky and was impressed by her works. After getting to know that there was another guy who had feelings for her, and I knew that she had good impression on me, I actually got myself to land into some lame and pointless competition with the guy over a girl whom I, in reality, didn't really have the true element of love for. I didn't want her to feel too sad if I said I didn't really like her. In addition, I couldn't and wouldn't want to foresee how our friendship might be negatively shaped and how I might be able to handle it. (I might be thinking too much but that was just how I felt then, so no comments please.. ><) So I didn't clarify the matters and inevitably, the relationships I had with the friends involved became rivalrous - a pity indeed. How naive and 'kind' I was huh.

Anyway, thanks Scandalous for the pleasant surprise! I must say you guys can act well, each played your part to make the whole plan run so seamlessly without any hiccup such that a person like me who is quite sensitive didn't notice any suspicion. When yanli said she wanted to go home, like so suddenly, I did find her weird for leaving without any warning beforehand. But I guess it's her 'new' style of hanging out with friends, since we don't hang out very often, so I didn't suspect anything. When maria and stella said they wanted to go toilet, neither do I suspect anything too. When yanhong said that he also want to go toilet, again I didn't think too much. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, yanhong rarely go toilet halfway and it's strange when sokteng, yukai and et each asked me to guess what they're trying to say in hokkien to stall for time! So it's really a pleasant surprise when I saw the glowing light suddenly at the corner of my eye. The cheese cake taste great! Thanks!!!!!!! :D

Am pondering whether I should go for the teaching scholarship. The incentives are too enticing! Maybe I shall go try out relief teaching first and that'd be one of my plans after I ORD.

PS: I'm still a teenager :)

Happy New Year 2010

First of all, just to follow conventional opening style, Happy New Year 2010!

On the first day of a brand new year, I shall, however, pen down some deep-seated thoughts I have had in mind, especially after watching the anime Naruto Shippuden. Yes, don't be surprised. Watching Naruto does stimulate one to reflect and examine about life itself, at least it works on me.

So in this particular arc of the anime, it deals with whether the attainment of peace is achievable or simply a fantasy. The antagonists deny that peace can be achieved by love itself because love breeds anger between people, and subsequently evolves to become hatred and soon, everyone seeks revenge. With hatred, it breeds more hatred, and this cycle continues on such that peace is thus never possible - peace is a mere utopian world that everyone is dreaming of.

The main protagonist, Naruto, couldn't give an answer to how such chain of hatred could be resolved. In the end, he successfully enlightened and convinced the antagonist by saying that with faith, anything is possible. Naruto has been entrusted by his Dad, teacher and captain to find out the answer to how peace could be attained as they, too, desire to achieve peace. And Naruto believes in what they believe in. So he gave the answer "faith" and he would continue to find the key to break the vicious cycle of the breeding of hatred, to bring peace to the world.

While reading the online manga, I also wanted to find out how can we put a stop to this unending breeding of hatred amongst people. It is only human nature to feel angry if somebody were to harm somebody whom you love. Why would the person want to try to harm him/her whom you love? There are many valid reasons one could think of but the most compelling one would be the different ideology each individual has. I.e., because Person X sees Person Y as a threat to the safety of X's nation due to different ideology, out of love for his citizens, X declares war on Y's country. Such phenomenon is not uncommon in today's world. There, a classic illustration of Love -> Anger -> Hatred -> Seek Revenge -> Peace impossible.

At present, I still haven't found the key to prevent such unfortunate chain of emotions leading to unrest. Perhaps humans are all selfish and because of this selfishness, not even love, such a powerful emotion, can enable us to achieve true peace. So does it mean that by eradicating this wicked emotion - selfishness, we can then achieve peace? I have no idea. Maybe there would be other factors which we have overlooked now that would still lead to the same unfortunate ending. Or it might be that like what Naruto has proposed, faith could do the trick. As an idealist, let us put our faith in God and in ourselves that grace and humaneness in the world is, alas, possible.

One of the resolutions I have for myself is to forge eternal friendship with those whom I have thought I could communicate with spiritually and subsequently, developed a heart-based connectedness. Basically, I wish I could have friends with whom we could understand what each other is thinking without the need to explicitly voice out. How lucky one would be to be able to find such friends! Imagine your friend can understand you inside out, what a great companion you have found for yourself in your life! He/She would do the appropriate and necessary to complement with how you are feeling so that you guys can fully enjoy yourselves during that special moment. How wonderful!

Thank God for allowing me to meet some great friends, be it in schools or in NS. Not that I like NS but it's just that I treat it as just another social gathering where God has let me meet some great friends. Thanks to 2 particular friends, one in JC and another in NS, who have introduced me into the world of God and Jesus. :D