Sunday, March 22, 2009

post-BMT

POP loh!
Lol, I know it's so so so so so late to say "POP loh". But it seems like they are words that all who've gone through BMT must say, since they appear at every blogs and Facebook of those who've just POP-ed, I should say it too.
BMT: 070109 - 100309
Next date that I'm looking forward to will be my ORD which is on 061110! It seems long but don't we always say time flies? So my ORD will be soon=) (Oh, I'm being optimistic...)

Remember that I mentioned I'd always wanted myself to fall sick ever since my BMT started? Well, I managed to fall sick (fever + headache + cough + running nose), but it occured only after my POP, or during my block leave. So yea, instead of enjoying myself during the first few days of my block leave, I rest at home instead. What a waste. By the way, the block leave that we had was compulsory for us to take. Since everyone is entitled 14 days of leave per year, after the 9 compulsory block leave, we have only 5 days of leave left for the rest of the year. What the... It's only March and there's 9 more months and 5 days of leave is all we have.
Okay, I didn't forget what I just said previously - time flies.

You know what, I was actually very worried when I was checking for my ePosting to find out which vocation I'm assigned to. I strongly do not want to get myself trained in vocations that are infamous for their level of 'siong-ness'. Luckily, I'm posted to HQ ARMOUR. It's not a slack vocation though but it's definitely better than Guards. Moreoever, Tianwei aka Xiao Bai, my bunkmate, is posted to the same vocation as me. Hope we are grouped together and can operate the together. Tomorrow is the day to report to my new unit, hope I can find my way there successfully.

Just being random, I hate Polaramine (Polarax), a drug used to stop running nose but it causes the side-effect of headache! I hate headache! For your information, the 2 most uncomfortable illnesses to me are toothache and headache. To stop the headache, I consumed a tablet of Panadol and I feel much better now.

Besides this naturally-occuring headache, another issue that makes me headache is the order of courses of university. I had a hard time deciding whether FASS or FoS should come before the other. Finally, after putting my interest and future prospects into consideration, I decided that FoS should come before FASS. Hmmm..Hope I can be granted my first or second choice. Sigh, if only I'm smart enough... I just realised that I always tend to attain the second best grade in all my examninations, in PSLE (all A, (there's A* in PSLE!)), O (mostly A2) and A level (mostly B).
v_v"

Oh ya, my neighbour gave me a box of New Moon Chicken Essence just now! She said it's a form of encouragement for whatever I am going through. How nice of her! :D

Alright, I need to go shave now.
I'm so lazy to shave!
Need to wake up early tomorrow in order to reach my unit at 0800.
o_O"
Till then.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

烦闷瞬间之作

闷烦
骚恼

Life

生命 色彩 何在

烦闷瞬间之作

枷锁
自己为自己添加
生命不能再无聊
全因为你
使我生命色彩全无

残忍
你从何开始
就对我惩罚
水波的荡漾
从未停过
心中的伤痛
亦未停止
你是否能感受
我心在嘶喊的震荡
难道你
没半点丝毫的怜楚
管不着我心灵的痛否?

坚强的外表
洒脱的外在
全皆装作无事之酝酿
你没感受出来么?
我们之间已建立的关系
就如此轻易忘却吗?

简单的问候
灿烂的微笑
诚恳的关心
今日都是奢求
人生的悲哀
我, 无能为力

Sunday, March 01, 2009

水瓶座

highly true (",)

水瓶座

几乎每个水瓶座的心底都有着一段刻骨铭心人间记忆,一个永远无法忘记的背影。
那也许只是极其短暂的两情相悦,只是一种单恋,或只是一种只存在于虚幻空间。
一切看起来是那么平静,那么和谐。

没有惊天动地,没有海誓山盟,没有花前月下,没有浪漫,没有誓言,没有温度。水瓶座的理智和冷漠,注定了任何感情永无燃点。

水瓶座不容易喜欢上一个人。有人说水瓶座对伴侣的要求太高,其实并非这样,水瓶座注重的是感觉。只是那么轻描淡写的一眼,那个人已经吸引了水瓶的所有注意力,从此目光便无法转移。

用一秒钟爱上一个人,然后再付出一生去忘记,水瓶座就是这样的试验品。
但几乎所有的水瓶都会否认在自己的身上发生一见钟情,因为一向自视清高,承认爱上一个人这钟事似乎是在侮辱自己的智商。
更多的时候是因为,连自己都没发现已经爱上。水瓶座很多时候对于感情反应非常迟钝,迟钝到每次都是最后的知情者。有时容易出现弄不清自己的感觉,不清楚自己想做什么,觉得迷惘

对方没有非常明确地表示感情时会退怯,觉得爱情是两厢情愿,不想勉强对方
显得很被动,忽冷忽热,犹豫不决,极其矛盾。在没有完全确定前,决不轻易付出感情,因为怕失去。也许是缺乏安全感,也许是对自己的保护,也可以算作是一种自私。
一般水瓶座的好朋友都是经过很长世间的考察的,不仅仅是几年,而是十几年。一旦被水瓶座当作好朋友的,会赴汤蹈火掏心掏肺。

在公车上,街边,商场,水瓶老是认错人。在茫茫人海中,始终在寻找一个熟悉的身影,直到产生幻觉。
这一刻,水瓶座突然很想痛哭流涕,因为突然发现自己几近疯狂的爱上一个人,失去了理智,失去了自我。这种突如其来的感觉,很恐惧,很无助。

水瓶座不喜欢这种感觉,因为不知该如何面对。要让水瓶座主动去追逐,是件异常困难的事,在水瓶座的世界里无法承受拒绝,就是这么脆弱,无论表面上看来是多么的坚强。
水瓶座在人前总是一幅无忧无虑没心没肝的样子,不想别人看见自己的悲伤,那样会有不安全的感觉,总是在无人的地方暗自落泪。

算了,还是放在心里吧。既不用尴尬的表白然后遭到拒绝,又不会相爱容易相处难的惨烈分手。这样很好,没人看出来,不至于太没面子。可以继续貌似潇洒

但是,不同了。尽管水瓶座装着多么不在乎,看都不看一眼。可是对方说的每句话都从耳朵进去,没见出来。对方提的任何过分的要求,水瓶座统统照单全收精心尽力,决对不会有半个不字。完全成为一个爱情的奴隶,脸上还装酷无表情,整个死要面子活受罪。
这 种情况下,如果对方使点阴谋诡计,刻意疏远避而不见或是视而不见,电话不接或是哼哈敷衍等等,水瓶会给整疯了,开始会想是什么自己地方做错了,说错话了, 然后拉下面子主动讨好试探。不用多,碰壁两次,水瓶座就会有自知之明了,不会再去想是为什么会这样,也不想知道了。心里会想,原来是对方讨厌自己,不想见 到自己。明白之后,就是绝对的安静了。

这还没完,过了一段日子。对方如果突然又改变态度,水瓶座竟然能既往不咎问也不问,殷勤依旧,完全没有尊严可谈。只要能和对方开心的在一起,过去不重要,未来也不重要,面子不重要,金钱不重要,时间不重要,自己也不重要。
天平失衡,感情重重的压在心底,自己却飘在了半空。太在乎对方,迷失了自我,幸福也变得虚无。

自己都不爱,谁还会珍惜。
水瓶座一旦付出,便是彻底,不可收回。
感情投入的越多越是伤的重。

擅长的是难为自己。不想对方难过,只好让自己难过。总是认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力,把自己想得太坚强,而把别人想得太脆弱。不知道,受伤的其实是自己,只是不知道如何表现出来。

爱,这个字对水瓶座来说,太沉重珍贵了,无法用语言诠释。一旦说出口,犹如远古的文物,被发掘出土暴露于空气中,变得面目全非,失去本来的价值。
所以,不轻易说。

只需一次,水瓶座便把一生的精力耗尽,只因执著,便落得伤痕累累。那段感情如强酸腐蚀着那颗麻木的心,穿了一个洞,再也无法弥补。时间是世界上最有力的矬子,把空洞的毛边渐渐抚平,不再搁人。每当寒风吹过,犹闻隐约凄凉的萧萧声,似挽歌。

只需一次,水瓶座便不再幻想,于是狠狠将自己摔碎,拒绝熔化拼凑。因为怕熔了记忆,怕熔了那个远远的背影,怕熔了自己千年的期盼。
之后,水瓶座依然谈笑风生,依然开朗豁达,继续着一段接一段的新感情,重复着一切,因为无法承受寂寞。

人们都说水瓶花心,见一个爱一个,水瓶座会哈哈一笑,说“哪有?冤啊!”。其实心里在滴着血,脸上却得笑的灿烂,安慰自己“我是谁啊!哪会那么弱呢!”

有人说水瓶座太冷酷太自私,自以为了不起。可是谁又了解,水瓶座的心,容量很小,只能有一个,且不具修改性。除了那个人,其他所有自动归为一种程序。

因为无法虚伪,所以甜言蜜语都吝啬给予。因为天真,所以至死之前仍在等待。因为没有勇气,所以眼睁睁放手真爱无能为力。

当看到一个瓶子在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时,请千万不要被迷惑,水瓶总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与悲伤。其实并不像看到的那么快乐,同样的,也不像看到的那么悲伤。只是悲伤时,喜欢带上快乐的面具,而当水瓶快乐时,悲伤又不肯轻易放过。

只有真正懂得水瓶座的人,才能看见眼底那一缕似有似无的哀伤,才能明白是什么让水瓶如此的义无反顾,是什么让水瓶变得如此忽冷忽热捉摸不定,才能体会水瓶的坚强只是竭力掩饰的脆弱。

星相上说,水瓶座往往不被所爱的人珍惜。我想,是为什么呢?也许答案就在心中,只是水瓶座的本性不愿承认而已。
水瓶座除了需要一个深爱自己包容一切的人以外,还需要一个心理医生
.

Pass IPPT!

Walked 16km route march on the rainy Tuesday. Though it was raining, it's much better than walking under the hot sun. I'd rather my uniform being drenched with rain than sweat. Moreover, it felt cooling although we were shivering during the 15min break which was held after every 4 km.

Good news! I passed my actual IPPT on Friday! Although my results don't seem to be as spectacular as you expect, I am satisfied since I'm not aiming to go into command schools. Here goes my results:
  • Sit-up: 43 [5]
  • SBJ: 225 cm [3]
  • Shuttle Run: 10.1 s [5]
  • Chin-up: 7 [2] (Just 1 more and I could have gotten Silver; but it's okay)
  • 2.4km run: approx 11 min 10 s [3]
Anyway, I'm glad that I've got IPPT test over and done with. At least there's no more Remedial Trainings on weekends.

9 more days to POP. On the high note, Block Leave is coming real soon and it lasts till 230309. However, it also means that I wouldn't be able to see my section and platoon mates anymore as all of us will most probably be sent into different units and vocations; it'll be difficult to meet up. Mixed feelings.